The Pants

From the time your children are born until the time...well, let's say now, for me anyway, you don't really watch what you say. I mean, you do in some ways, but the occasional curse word comes out while the kids are around, in high hopes that they cannot yet comprehend what you are saying, therefore never repeating it.

Well, today Zachary came out of the bathroom with no pants on and said, "Mommy, I shit on my pants." I said, "What?"...thinking I clearly am misunderstanding him. "I shit on my pants, I shit on my pants, I shit on my pants." "Zachary, are you saying that you shit on your pants?" "Yes!"

He in fact did not "shit" on his pants, he did poop in the potty and needed his butt wiped. I am not sure if he was just saving this little phrase up for the right moment, or what, but he surely thought that it was the right time to use it. Lucky for me, no cleaning up of any "shit" and I'll be more cautious about what comes out of my mouth.

The Fanny

So other than the severe butt rash, this week has been pretty good. I don't have much to complain about, and to me that is a good sign. And Elaina's fanny is on the mend, so that is good too. She had a yeast infection, and after four calls to the doctor and one trip in, they finally gave her a cream that worked.

I can't believe next week is Christmas already. It truly feels like I just finished weeding my garden. Then I look out and AH! Snow! My poor rose bushes. I keep saying that "I need to get out there and winterize my plants." I think it's a little late at this point, so I am hoping for the best. I think that Tim is too since I spent our life savings on "nesting" in my foliage this summer.

I have most of my shopping done. I have a few things left to get and hopefully that will be done today. Everything is wrapped and ready to go. I am so excited to see Zachary's face on Christmas morning. I can't wait.

He has become quite the negotiator. The other night he was on his way to the bath and had every train that he owned in hand. I said, "Mr. McClelland, I think maybe ONE train is enough." "Two trains?" He asked. "Yes, two trains will be fine. Choose the ones that you want." He grabs a hand full. "How many trains did I say you could take?" His response... "One, two....three!" I think you can see where that was going.

This getting in my bed also needs to stop. At first, he would cry and we would hear him. We would go downstairs and he would just tell us that he needed to get in our bed. Then he started coming upstairs and just getting in. The other morning, I actually woke up with a two year old laying on top of me and I had no idea how he had gotten there. The issue really started about three days ago when it was 1:30am. He came upstairs, turned on the light and yelled "I need to watch Thomas!" AHH!!! I think when he turned on the light I actually said out loud, "are you serious?" Where is the how-to manual for these issues?

The Boy

Yesterday morning, I was standing in the kitchen in my pajamas making breakfast. Zachary walks in and says, "Mommy, I need to see those." Confused, I said, "You need to see what?" "Those," he said. "What are those?" "I need to see those?" So I asked him again, "What is it that you need to see?" "Your BOOBS!" he shouted out. "That is Mommy's private business," I told him. "Oh," he said. I guess he is his father's son.

The Lazy Baby

Good morning. We are snowed in. Kinda. We really are not any more snowed in than we normally are at this time of year, but since it's pretty much the first heavy snow of the season, people are freaking out. Apparently God pulled one over on them this summer. It was so nice outside that he fooled everyone into thinking that they moved to Florida and that their "snow days" were a mere memory. Needless to say, I think he's getting a good laugh about now.

I hate the snow. Well, when I'm in it. I love the snow, but there are stipulations. I have to be inside, looking at it through a window, in a warm house. There also has to be sun shining on the snow. Then I can tolerate the winter. Otherwise, I pretty much settle in for hibernation right about this time.

Everything is pretty normal around here this morning. Zachary is running around naked as a jay bird, and Elaina is slobbering all over the floor, desperately trying to crawl. This is how we know that she can move her legs. She pretty much refuses otherwise. If you try to stand her up, she just turns into a frog-leg and refuses to use her muscles. We asked the family doctor about it at her last appointment, and I quote, "She is just lazy." And it is true. Try as we might, she will not stand. She will not stand in a walker, or an exersaucer, or if you try to hold her and get her to do it on your lap. She pretty much looks at you like, "geesh, that looks like a lot of work...no thanks." Laziest baby ever. She also has given up on solid food. Again, too much work for her. She would just assume have a bottle. What a brat, right? At least I am pretty sure that she gets her stubbornness from her father.

The Laundry

Okay, going for a record here. Four times in one week.

I just love it when my daughter wakes me up because she is hungry. I get up, of course, and make her a bottle, go in to get her and she is back to sleep. Lovely. Now I am up and she is not. The only saving grace is that I can get a little time to myself, and be able to make a cup of coffee without anyone screaming. Maybe it's not so bad after all.

Laundry again today. It's been two days of laundry already. I had just gotten caught up about a week ago when Tim decided to clean out the garage. Now, mind you, he had cleaned out his car a while before that. By cleaned out, I mean stuffed everything into garbage bags and put it inside the garage...and left it there. For a long time. And there were lots of clothes. So, in turn, my "caught up" laundry quickly turned into three more large piles of dirty clothes - some with tags still on - for me to wash. Now, do you think he does the laundry? No. It's actually all I can do to even get him to THROW it down the stairs for me. (Laundry is downstairs, bedrooms are upstairs). Either way, I am doing some more laundry today, and then weeding through his clothes and getting rid of half of them, whether he likes it or not. It's like the leaning tower of t-shirts down there, and if I don't do something soon, I am going to be saying "timber". Not to mention, he's been promising to do it himself...since we moved in. Yes, that's right, two years ago. I think the grace period has expired.

The Lamb

Three posts this week? Can you stand it?!

I'm actually just sitting here trying to get motivated. Drinking some coffee ::shocker:: and reading some e-mails. Last night we did get up the strength (mentally) to clean out some of the basement, or as I say, the toy cave. That is where Zachary's 4,592,376 toys live - in the toy cave. This summer we also moved his bedroom down there, so that works out really well for everyone. He is close to his toys, and his toys are out of my way. It's a beautiful thing. Yesterday was the weeding out of the garbage toys that pretty much NO ONE would want, and today I think I am going to have to go through and pick out some to get rid of that just plain do not get played with. The biggest tub I ended up with was full of "guys". Who ever thought of making little tiny people, dinosaurs and animals must have been insane. The only people worse are the ones who buy them, i.e. me. Have you ever stepped on a plastic cow the size of your thumb. It can do some serious damage. Don't try it at home, folks. Or, in the case of my brother Nicholas, a sheep...

The other night we went over to my parents house to visit, have some dinner and relax. My mom had just gotten out her Christmas stuff, and has precious moments nativity set that she tells Zachary, and I quote "I have had longer than I have had your Momma!" Yeah, old. So, anyway, although it is glassish (ceramic?) she says he can play with it carefully. So he does, and the people are talking to each other, and they kiss and hug, and it's a grand ol' time to be a wise man. He particularly loved the tiny lamb and carried it around for a while. When he was done playing with it, of course he didn't pick it up - he left it in the floor. So, my brother Nicholas gets up to leave the living room and all I see is him fall flat on his face into the dining room from the living room, spilling whatever it was that he was carrying. I couldn't figure out what he had tripped over. Well, yep, you guessed it, he stepped right on the sheep. Now, you would think that it might break or something, but it did better than that. The tiny sheep turned to sheep dust! I had never seen anything quite like it! It was so weird. Luckily my mom is a firm believer in "it is just a thing" but as for Nicholas, he's lucky he didn't have to take a trip to the ER to have some lamb removed from his foot.

The Weirdos

It's been quite a day so far. First I didn't meet my weight requirement for the diet that I am doing, thus almost losing roughly 150 points. Luckily my mom pointed out a loop-hole, and I immediately jumped through.

We had a good weekend, but getting back to the hustle and bustle of being in your own house can be relieving, yet stressful. There is nothing like coming home to the laundry that you had 'accidentally' forgotten about, as well as the three new loads just waiting to be done, still in your suitcase, still in the car. How many days can you ACTUALLY go without clean underwear? At least two, right? I mean, can't you flip them inside-out or something? Needless to say, I have yet to start a load, and the promise of cleaning out the toys before Christmas arrives is not on the top of my list at this point. Instead, I sit here drinking some coffee and typing to you the details of my life that, although seem less than amusing to me, prove to be very interesting to most of the rest of you.

I slammed my thumb in the drawer this morning. It was all I could do to not scream F***! I am pretty sure the only reason I resisted is the fact that we have been telling Zachary that "Oh damn" and "shit" are not appropriate responses to breaking a crayon or spilling a glass of juice. The reason that this made me SO incredibly angry is A. I just slammed my SAME thumb nail in my van door about three weeks ago while trying to stop the popping of a balloon in the bush in the driveway. I figured that it was worth it to not have to endure the 30 minute tantrum that would surely follow and B. I am stressed. I don't do well with the change of the season or the lack of sunshine and I have been what I like to call "wacky off the junk" since I decided I would try to go off of my antidepressants.

Which leads me to my next point. I attract a lot of weirdos. Except for you, of course....(right) So anyway....I have decided that one of two things need to happen. Either I need to find all new friends and family, or I need to consider the common denominator and go back on the Prozac. I think I'll call in my refill after all.

The Oh wait...update

Okay, okay. So I've been busy...I'm sorry. If you are needing the fix of a post from me, just send me a message. That will surely motivate me. Well, sometimes...depending on my schedule, and the amount of screaming that is happening at that very moment, and the time of day, and how much laundry I have left to do, and how well I am doing at Bejeweled Blitz...and 107 other things. Okay, so chances aren't good, but as recently requested, here is your update.

Everything has been going well. Almost nothing to tell! Kids are good, and Zachary is potty trained. Honest to God, it only took two days. Ask me how! I'm like an infomercial. Elaina is getting big and is now eating cereal, squash, peas and applesauce. She thinks that she is basically awesome, which, ofcourse, she is.

We have been doing the Game On! diet for almost four weeks now, and I have lost about 11 lbs. Tim has lost about 10, and we are feelings great. We even cleaned out our pantry, letting go of anything 'not occuring in nature' and are starting this as our new healthy lifestyle. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes I do need the comfort of a deep-fried something-or-other, or a large piece of dessert, or two (or more) but other than that, we are really making a change, and I feel great about it. We are starting another game on the first of the year, so if you are thinking you want to get in on it, buy the book, read it, and let me know!

We put up our Christmas tree last weekend, and Zachary said "Look Mommy, it's so cute!" I laughed. He has been saying lots of funny things lately, but the best day was when he said "Mommy, I love you....so much."

Do you need to refridgerate baby carrots?

Oh..wait...I have the perfect story that I JUST remembered, and you will be glad that I did since I was just about to close this post.

Tim and his exercising. It is a sight to be seen. OMG I am practically rolling around on the floor laughing just thinking about it. Here goes...

So, for this Game On! diet, you have to exercise at least 20 minutes per day to get your points. That said, my teammate, Katie, bought me a DVD for my birthday. It's Jillian's (the trainer from The Biggest Loser) 30 Day Shred, otherwise known as Hitler's 30 Seconds of Exercise until you pass out on the floor. It's intense. There are three levels and being the wise one that I am, chose to start on level one.

Now, we all know that no on can possibly look 'cool' doing a workout video. We pretty much look like morons flailing around in the air and humping and bumping on the floor while thinking we look so good that we could practically be IN the video. And yes, you look like this, even if you are really good at the 'moves'. Don't kid yourself.

I finished my workout, and Tim decided he would try his hand at it because he also needed his exercise points for the day. I took my shower, got ready for bed and went to watch some TV in the room. As I get into bed, I hear a lot of romping around, and this continues for about 40 minutes. I was confused by this because it is only a 20 minute workout. I go out to the living room (mind you, it is dark, the picture window is huge and the curtains are open) only to see my husband in his whitey-tighties and dark green socks pulled up to his knees (yes folks, that is ALL he was wearing) doing a move that no person, especially one dressed like this, should be doing. It was like a push-up position, but with your but WAY up in the air, and then with your hands on the floor, doing jumping-jack moves with your legs. Oh yeah, it was awesome. I lost it. I laughed so hard I almost died. Literally, I was suffocating. Not to mention the fact that sweat is pouring off of his face. Not wanting to be one-upped, he decided he would do ALL of the levels, one right after the other. He said he started out with more clothes on, but just couldn't handle it. So, not only did I get a show, but so did the whole neighborhood. And let me tell you, he was less than fluent in his moves.

Now aren't you glad that I remembered that little morsel?