The Pants

From the time your children are born until the time...well, let's say now, for me anyway, you don't really watch what you say. I mean, you do in some ways, but the occasional curse word comes out while the kids are around, in high hopes that they cannot yet comprehend what you are saying, therefore never repeating it.

Well, today Zachary came out of the bathroom with no pants on and said, "Mommy, I shit on my pants." I said, "What?"...thinking I clearly am misunderstanding him. "I shit on my pants, I shit on my pants, I shit on my pants." "Zachary, are you saying that you shit on your pants?" "Yes!"

He in fact did not "shit" on his pants, he did poop in the potty and needed his butt wiped. I am not sure if he was just saving this little phrase up for the right moment, or what, but he surely thought that it was the right time to use it. Lucky for me, no cleaning up of any "shit" and I'll be more cautious about what comes out of my mouth.

The Fanny

So other than the severe butt rash, this week has been pretty good. I don't have much to complain about, and to me that is a good sign. And Elaina's fanny is on the mend, so that is good too. She had a yeast infection, and after four calls to the doctor and one trip in, they finally gave her a cream that worked.

I can't believe next week is Christmas already. It truly feels like I just finished weeding my garden. Then I look out and AH! Snow! My poor rose bushes. I keep saying that "I need to get out there and winterize my plants." I think it's a little late at this point, so I am hoping for the best. I think that Tim is too since I spent our life savings on "nesting" in my foliage this summer.

I have most of my shopping done. I have a few things left to get and hopefully that will be done today. Everything is wrapped and ready to go. I am so excited to see Zachary's face on Christmas morning. I can't wait.

He has become quite the negotiator. The other night he was on his way to the bath and had every train that he owned in hand. I said, "Mr. McClelland, I think maybe ONE train is enough." "Two trains?" He asked. "Yes, two trains will be fine. Choose the ones that you want." He grabs a hand full. "How many trains did I say you could take?" His response... "One, two....three!" I think you can see where that was going.

This getting in my bed also needs to stop. At first, he would cry and we would hear him. We would go downstairs and he would just tell us that he needed to get in our bed. Then he started coming upstairs and just getting in. The other morning, I actually woke up with a two year old laying on top of me and I had no idea how he had gotten there. The issue really started about three days ago when it was 1:30am. He came upstairs, turned on the light and yelled "I need to watch Thomas!" AHH!!! I think when he turned on the light I actually said out loud, "are you serious?" Where is the how-to manual for these issues?

The Boy

Yesterday morning, I was standing in the kitchen in my pajamas making breakfast. Zachary walks in and says, "Mommy, I need to see those." Confused, I said, "You need to see what?" "Those," he said. "What are those?" "I need to see those?" So I asked him again, "What is it that you need to see?" "Your BOOBS!" he shouted out. "That is Mommy's private business," I told him. "Oh," he said. I guess he is his father's son.

The Lazy Baby

Good morning. We are snowed in. Kinda. We really are not any more snowed in than we normally are at this time of year, but since it's pretty much the first heavy snow of the season, people are freaking out. Apparently God pulled one over on them this summer. It was so nice outside that he fooled everyone into thinking that they moved to Florida and that their "snow days" were a mere memory. Needless to say, I think he's getting a good laugh about now.

I hate the snow. Well, when I'm in it. I love the snow, but there are stipulations. I have to be inside, looking at it through a window, in a warm house. There also has to be sun shining on the snow. Then I can tolerate the winter. Otherwise, I pretty much settle in for hibernation right about this time.

Everything is pretty normal around here this morning. Zachary is running around naked as a jay bird, and Elaina is slobbering all over the floor, desperately trying to crawl. This is how we know that she can move her legs. She pretty much refuses otherwise. If you try to stand her up, she just turns into a frog-leg and refuses to use her muscles. We asked the family doctor about it at her last appointment, and I quote, "She is just lazy." And it is true. Try as we might, she will not stand. She will not stand in a walker, or an exersaucer, or if you try to hold her and get her to do it on your lap. She pretty much looks at you like, "geesh, that looks like a lot of work...no thanks." Laziest baby ever. She also has given up on solid food. Again, too much work for her. She would just assume have a bottle. What a brat, right? At least I am pretty sure that she gets her stubbornness from her father.

The Laundry

Okay, going for a record here. Four times in one week.

I just love it when my daughter wakes me up because she is hungry. I get up, of course, and make her a bottle, go in to get her and she is back to sleep. Lovely. Now I am up and she is not. The only saving grace is that I can get a little time to myself, and be able to make a cup of coffee without anyone screaming. Maybe it's not so bad after all.

Laundry again today. It's been two days of laundry already. I had just gotten caught up about a week ago when Tim decided to clean out the garage. Now, mind you, he had cleaned out his car a while before that. By cleaned out, I mean stuffed everything into garbage bags and put it inside the garage...and left it there. For a long time. And there were lots of clothes. So, in turn, my "caught up" laundry quickly turned into three more large piles of dirty clothes - some with tags still on - for me to wash. Now, do you think he does the laundry? No. It's actually all I can do to even get him to THROW it down the stairs for me. (Laundry is downstairs, bedrooms are upstairs). Either way, I am doing some more laundry today, and then weeding through his clothes and getting rid of half of them, whether he likes it or not. It's like the leaning tower of t-shirts down there, and if I don't do something soon, I am going to be saying "timber". Not to mention, he's been promising to do it himself...since we moved in. Yes, that's right, two years ago. I think the grace period has expired.

The Lamb

Three posts this week? Can you stand it?!

I'm actually just sitting here trying to get motivated. Drinking some coffee ::shocker:: and reading some e-mails. Last night we did get up the strength (mentally) to clean out some of the basement, or as I say, the toy cave. That is where Zachary's 4,592,376 toys live - in the toy cave. This summer we also moved his bedroom down there, so that works out really well for everyone. He is close to his toys, and his toys are out of my way. It's a beautiful thing. Yesterday was the weeding out of the garbage toys that pretty much NO ONE would want, and today I think I am going to have to go through and pick out some to get rid of that just plain do not get played with. The biggest tub I ended up with was full of "guys". Who ever thought of making little tiny people, dinosaurs and animals must have been insane. The only people worse are the ones who buy them, i.e. me. Have you ever stepped on a plastic cow the size of your thumb. It can do some serious damage. Don't try it at home, folks. Or, in the case of my brother Nicholas, a sheep...

The other night we went over to my parents house to visit, have some dinner and relax. My mom had just gotten out her Christmas stuff, and has precious moments nativity set that she tells Zachary, and I quote "I have had longer than I have had your Momma!" Yeah, old. So, anyway, although it is glassish (ceramic?) she says he can play with it carefully. So he does, and the people are talking to each other, and they kiss and hug, and it's a grand ol' time to be a wise man. He particularly loved the tiny lamb and carried it around for a while. When he was done playing with it, of course he didn't pick it up - he left it in the floor. So, my brother Nicholas gets up to leave the living room and all I see is him fall flat on his face into the dining room from the living room, spilling whatever it was that he was carrying. I couldn't figure out what he had tripped over. Well, yep, you guessed it, he stepped right on the sheep. Now, you would think that it might break or something, but it did better than that. The tiny sheep turned to sheep dust! I had never seen anything quite like it! It was so weird. Luckily my mom is a firm believer in "it is just a thing" but as for Nicholas, he's lucky he didn't have to take a trip to the ER to have some lamb removed from his foot.

The Weirdos

It's been quite a day so far. First I didn't meet my weight requirement for the diet that I am doing, thus almost losing roughly 150 points. Luckily my mom pointed out a loop-hole, and I immediately jumped through.

We had a good weekend, but getting back to the hustle and bustle of being in your own house can be relieving, yet stressful. There is nothing like coming home to the laundry that you had 'accidentally' forgotten about, as well as the three new loads just waiting to be done, still in your suitcase, still in the car. How many days can you ACTUALLY go without clean underwear? At least two, right? I mean, can't you flip them inside-out or something? Needless to say, I have yet to start a load, and the promise of cleaning out the toys before Christmas arrives is not on the top of my list at this point. Instead, I sit here drinking some coffee and typing to you the details of my life that, although seem less than amusing to me, prove to be very interesting to most of the rest of you.

I slammed my thumb in the drawer this morning. It was all I could do to not scream F***! I am pretty sure the only reason I resisted is the fact that we have been telling Zachary that "Oh damn" and "shit" are not appropriate responses to breaking a crayon or spilling a glass of juice. The reason that this made me SO incredibly angry is A. I just slammed my SAME thumb nail in my van door about three weeks ago while trying to stop the popping of a balloon in the bush in the driveway. I figured that it was worth it to not have to endure the 30 minute tantrum that would surely follow and B. I am stressed. I don't do well with the change of the season or the lack of sunshine and I have been what I like to call "wacky off the junk" since I decided I would try to go off of my antidepressants.

Which leads me to my next point. I attract a lot of weirdos. Except for you, of course....(right) So anyway....I have decided that one of two things need to happen. Either I need to find all new friends and family, or I need to consider the common denominator and go back on the Prozac. I think I'll call in my refill after all.

The Oh wait...update

Okay, okay. So I've been busy...I'm sorry. If you are needing the fix of a post from me, just send me a message. That will surely motivate me. Well, sometimes...depending on my schedule, and the amount of screaming that is happening at that very moment, and the time of day, and how much laundry I have left to do, and how well I am doing at Bejeweled Blitz...and 107 other things. Okay, so chances aren't good, but as recently requested, here is your update.

Everything has been going well. Almost nothing to tell! Kids are good, and Zachary is potty trained. Honest to God, it only took two days. Ask me how! I'm like an infomercial. Elaina is getting big and is now eating cereal, squash, peas and applesauce. She thinks that she is basically awesome, which, ofcourse, she is.

We have been doing the Game On! diet for almost four weeks now, and I have lost about 11 lbs. Tim has lost about 10, and we are feelings great. We even cleaned out our pantry, letting go of anything 'not occuring in nature' and are starting this as our new healthy lifestyle. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes I do need the comfort of a deep-fried something-or-other, or a large piece of dessert, or two (or more) but other than that, we are really making a change, and I feel great about it. We are starting another game on the first of the year, so if you are thinking you want to get in on it, buy the book, read it, and let me know!

We put up our Christmas tree last weekend, and Zachary said "Look Mommy, it's so cute!" I laughed. He has been saying lots of funny things lately, but the best day was when he said "Mommy, I love you....so much."

Do you need to refridgerate baby carrots?

Oh..wait...I have the perfect story that I JUST remembered, and you will be glad that I did since I was just about to close this post.

Tim and his exercising. It is a sight to be seen. OMG I am practically rolling around on the floor laughing just thinking about it. Here goes...

So, for this Game On! diet, you have to exercise at least 20 minutes per day to get your points. That said, my teammate, Katie, bought me a DVD for my birthday. It's Jillian's (the trainer from The Biggest Loser) 30 Day Shred, otherwise known as Hitler's 30 Seconds of Exercise until you pass out on the floor. It's intense. There are three levels and being the wise one that I am, chose to start on level one.

Now, we all know that no on can possibly look 'cool' doing a workout video. We pretty much look like morons flailing around in the air and humping and bumping on the floor while thinking we look so good that we could practically be IN the video. And yes, you look like this, even if you are really good at the 'moves'. Don't kid yourself.

I finished my workout, and Tim decided he would try his hand at it because he also needed his exercise points for the day. I took my shower, got ready for bed and went to watch some TV in the room. As I get into bed, I hear a lot of romping around, and this continues for about 40 minutes. I was confused by this because it is only a 20 minute workout. I go out to the living room (mind you, it is dark, the picture window is huge and the curtains are open) only to see my husband in his whitey-tighties and dark green socks pulled up to his knees (yes folks, that is ALL he was wearing) doing a move that no person, especially one dressed like this, should be doing. It was like a push-up position, but with your but WAY up in the air, and then with your hands on the floor, doing jumping-jack moves with your legs. Oh yeah, it was awesome. I lost it. I laughed so hard I almost died. Literally, I was suffocating. Not to mention the fact that sweat is pouring off of his face. Not wanting to be one-upped, he decided he would do ALL of the levels, one right after the other. He said he started out with more clothes on, but just couldn't handle it. So, not only did I get a show, but so did the whole neighborhood. And let me tell you, he was less than fluent in his moves.

Now aren't you glad that I remembered that little morsel?

The Hair-Do

If you never read my blog, this is the day to start. It's sure to be enjoyable for all tuned in.

I would like to call today...the day from down under. And by that, I am not referring to Australia. Yes, that is right. H-to-the-E to the double hockey sticks. I feel like I am out of control. I just read that after I wrote it, and I though...hmm, am I a control freak? Well, yes, I am. I will admit it. And sometimes there is no controlling your kids little minds. i.e. Mr. Glossy Hair.

Let me preface this by saying that my favorite lip gloss is from Victoria's Secret. It's very thick and sticky, and is more of a lip shine that gives you a very glamorous look...

You see, today a friend of mine called, and I talked for a few minutes while I was feeding the baby. I figured that Zachary was in my bed watching "Homas" as usual, and having a small break from running around and driving me crazy. I should have known that the silence was not a good thing. I called his name...no response. I heard him in the bathroom where I figured I would find him washing his hands, as he loves to do this. The hallway smelled very vanilla-ish and very familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. When I walked it, he was sitting on the counter washing his hands surrounded by bubbles from the foam pumper. His hair was very shiny. It really just looked wet and I figured that he had been trying to wash his hair with the soap. Not the case. He had squeezed an almost entire, brand new VS lip gloss/shine into his hands and put it in his hair. Five hair washings later, and it is still as thick and sticky as ever. Needless to say, we are going to try dishsoap, and then lava soap if that doesn't work. Otherwise, head shave.

The Hot Date

Yes, that's right folks, my first hot date in what seems like forever. We finally got to have a little get-away at Tim's yearly training. We went to the Kalahari resort in Ohio and it was fabulous.

The first day was good. The welcoming meeting was excellent. I tell you what, after watching the video shown by the commander, I will never text and drive again. For those of you who haven't seen this PSA, they are showing it now in the UK and it was recently on the news. It is very graphic, but worth watching. It is also extremely powerful. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGE8LzRaySk

Everyone always tells me that I shouldn't be doing that, and I don't listen. After I saw this, all I could think about was my kids. I can't even explain the silence in the room while it was playing.

On with the date - next was the spouses meeting, and that evening we went to a costume party. Tim did end up being the Tin Man, and I, the wicked witch. It was quite a sight.

The next night was the formal, which was wonderful, and our flight won lots of awards. On Friday, our last day, we did go to the water park, which is the biggest indoor water park in the country. My body hurt so badly the next day I could hardly move. I think I am getting old.

The Halloween Weekend

I ran out of coffee creamer this morning. Luckily it wasn't until I had poured my third cup. I am exhausted. Elaina has been sick with a cold for going on two weeks. She hacks and gurgles all night long. We rub her down with Vicks and use the warm-steam humidifier every night, but she still only makes it a few hours before she starts up again. My poor thing. Last night was especially long because of the weekend. Both kids were completely off schedule and Zachary thought it was time to wake up and watch Thomas at 11. Then again at midnight. Then again at 4. He did sleep in until 8:30 (or until what would be the equivalent of 9:30 with the time change.)

It was a great birthday weekend. On Thursday I met up with my mom and had the kids pictures taken at Milham Park. We all agreed that the pictures turned out nicely, but that the Mill Park in Scotts is a much better location for Fall photos. If I can figure out how to post them on here, I will so you can see them if you aren't on Facebook. I am still learning about this blogging world. (If you are on Facebook and we aren't friends, just click on the picture of me to the right and it will take you to my page.)

On Saturday I went shopping and out to lunch with my mom and Debbie. It was a grand ol' time. I found a dress for the annual which is this week (so excited!). Then on Sunday we had Tim's promotion luncheon at TGI Friday's and headed back to spend some time with Papa Mark, Uncle J and Auntie Katie. We finally made it home last night around 7ish.

And update: Tim has yet to prepare his costume for the party. "Toto" said he doesn't have a costume, and Dorothy is bailing out. Looks like its going to be me (the wicked witch) and Carol who is dressing up as a munchkin. That will be a sight. The flight chief is supposed to be The Wizard of Oz, but we will see if he follows through on that. More to come.

The Costumes

Halloween is this weekend. I suppose I should probably decide what my children will be dressing up as. I always start thinking about a few months before hand, and seem to wait until the last minute to whip up a costume.

Next week is Tim's annual training which translates into a three-day party with fancy dinners each night, including a few hours of training while the wives get pampered at the spa. Each night is different, and one is a costume party and the theme is movies. Our flight chose "The Wizard of Oz." Tim is supposed to be the Tin Man and still hasn't found any of his items to concoct a suit. And yes, if you know Tim, you know that he has great intentions of being completely silver, including silver mascara, face paint and an actual tin costume, but that he will end up with a less-than-recognizable ensemble including a gray sweatshirt and the possibility of old painted tennis shoes. Maybe some gray face paint if we are lucky. I, on the other hand, being the smarty that I am, chose to be the wicked witch. It is not only fitting to my mood as of late, but also the easiest costume to get your hands on. Especially three days after Halloween. Am I a genius or what?!

I think Zachary may be a Jack-o-lantern if they still have the costumes at Meijer. There is one that I have been eying for a few weeks and if they have it, it's probably 90% off by now, and it would be easy and warm to let him just wear sweats underneath. I think Elaina may be a flower. A friend of ours let us borrow the costume and it seems that it would also be warm. We'll see. I will post pictures after the holiday! I know that seems like empty promises since I have been blogging for months and only posted a few pictures, but I really will this time.

Have a safe Halloween. I mean it! Be careful. Love to all.

The Trash Day

Happy Tuesday. It's Tuesday, right? I can't seem to keep track. Especially since Tim works crazy hours on all different days. Well yes, it must be Tuesday. I know this because I heard the garbage man whiz by this morning without stopping to get my trash. Maybe this is because it failed to make it to the road. Have I mentioned that is one of the TWO chores I ask Tim to do? No Tim, the herbie-curbie does not have a mind of it's own. It will not wheel itself to the end of the drive-way, but I know it's a lot for you to do. Let me feel your muscle. :::sigh:::

Today I have been making some headway in the house. I call it pre-winter cleaning. That would be the spring cleaning that does not get done until the fall. I guess I have a good excuse since I was pregnant in the spring and nesting in my garden. What is my excuse for the other years? I do have to say, however, my garden is beautiful and I can't wait to see it next year. Especially since I put in about $500 worth of new perennials. Nesting will do that to you. If you need a nice clean house or a revamped garden, just get knocked up in or around October. Works like a charm.

Kids are doing well today. Zachary is running around playing with his new "Homas Game" which is otherwise known to us as a Thomas the Train puzzle that his dad bought for him. He can't get enough. He loves Homas. He needs to see Homas. He needs more Homas. More Homas, Mommy. More Homas.

The Ode to Tana

Recently a friend of mine told me how much she loved reading my blog. That made me feel great because I figured I was pretty much wasting my time writing down the silliness of my life for others to read. I was pretty sure no one read it. So, this one is for you, Tana! Enjoy.




This weekend was a good one. It was great to have some time without the kids. I love them to death, but sometimes they need a break as much as I do.

It started on Friday night when we were invited on a "hot date" out with my brother and sister-in-law. (Any time we go somewhere, we call it a hot date. When we go to the store with Zachary, he asks if it's a hot date. We, of course, say yes.) Jonathan (Timothy's brother)is the GM for the Holiday Inn Burdick's in Kalamazoo, and he invited us to come stay in the hotel and have dinner. It was great! We were like little secret shoppers watching all of his little worker bee's! And I have to admit, we did catch some of them in the act of not doing their jobs.

After martini's and dinner, we headed back to the room. You see, the original plan was that the four of us would share a room with two doubles or queens. Instead, they ended up only having a king available, which we figured we would deal with by bringing our own air mattress, right? Well, Timothy goes to blow up the mattress and I am sitting on the bed talking to Katie. He gets done, and I thought to myself, "That didn't take very long." I look over and, you guessed it, I see there on the floor...a twin size air mattress. I believe my response was, "Are you fucking kidding me?!" "Don't worry," he says, "You can just sleep on top." Needless to say, we ended up with three in the bed and the little one said Timothy could sleep on the miniature air mattress. Either way, tons of fun.

Saturday night was a great time too. I wish I had the pictures to share, but I am waiting for a friend to upload them. The best part was when we had had a few drinks and decided to hit the dance floor. Well, I am not sure if you have ever watched Seinfeld, but I like to use the "Elaine dance" as my signature move. Yeah, it's pretty sweet alright. So I am doing it in this big group of people, and I go to do the kick, and my shoe goes FLYING off of my foot. Luckily (sorry Kel!) it hit Kelly and not a stranger! LMAO I could not stop laughing! The alcohol helped fend off most of the embarrassment and I put my shoe back on, only to continue with my dance of sweetness.

The Cookie Book

I know, I know, I said that I would blog every day. Most of the time the hours in the day just go by so quickly that I don't even think about it. I am left wondering where the day went and what I am going to make for dinner, followed by two baths and different bedtime routines. As of late, we have been at a loss due to the fact that the "Cookie Book" (as Zachary calls it) was left at Mimi's. This would be "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." It used to be one of my favorites, really, but now that I can recite the entire thing by heart, my tune has changed. He must have the cookie book every night or he will not survive. I suppose having it memorized came in handy on the first few nights as I told him to use his imagination and rattled off the book in it's entirety.

Zachary has been talking my ear off lately.

Zachary: There's a big airplane.
Me: Oh, yeah? How big?
Zachary: Heavy. It's coming too?
Me: Yeah, it's coming too.
Zachary: It's a big one. It's a heavy one. It's going to the airport.
Me: I imagine it probably is.
Zachary: I have it? I have that big airplane?
Me: No, it's too big.
Zachary: It's too big? I can't have it. It goes to the airport.

He cracks me up.

I am loving my new van and I am sure Tim will be glad when he can get his little truck. I must admit that he gets the "leftover" car every time. It will be nice for him to finally pick something of his own.

This weekend should be fun. Tonight Mee-Mah (Sabrina) is coming over and hanging out until tomorrow when we go down to Kalamazoo for the weekend. She is going to teach me some new sweet moves for when we go boot stompin'(as Kelly says) on Saturday for Lance's and my birthday. It should be a great time. Luckily I scored a hair appointment tomorrow. I am getting some interesting looks having the front of my hair colored fuschia. It was for a good cause, but I am ready to be "normal Liz" again. Well, I suppose "normal" is relative.

The ...

Oh, how I wish I could blog right now, but I am just so...ZZzzzzz...

The Wednesday

Well, where should I start? Saturday sounds about right. I went to Meijer to pick up a few things and as I was parking my van (that I had owned for exactly three days) and I hit a parked car as I was parking. Lovely. I suppose this is the result of being in a rush. A lesson hard learned. I tried to do the right thing and leave my insurance information and went on my merry way.

Monday I got a call from Farm Bureau stating that the man had mad a claim. I said fine, please inform me of the details before the claim is processed. I got a call this morning, and that was the start of my less than fabulous day today. Have I mentioned it's only 11:30?

She asked if it was okay to process the claim, and I told her I wanted to know what they were claiming. In actuality, I hit their rear bumper, scraping it. She informed me that they are claiming the front bumper and headlight. One word. Nice. After lots of phone calls, I am now waiting for her to get a hold of the man making the claim and call me back. My main concern is that someone stole my insurance info off the vehicle. Another lesson hard learned. Should have just left my phone number. Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose and I wasn't exactly sure what to do since I don't frequently hit parked cars.

Last night I woke up in the night feeling very ill. Headache and vomiting...I love flu season and the fact that I opted out of my flu shot. This morning I have been feeling pretty crappy and Zachary has been hell on wheels. Every word that has left his mouth has been whining and crying...I need Elmo, I need to draw, I need a pen, I need, I need, I need, I need...

And the cherry on top...I was so frustrated and sweating half from not feeling well and half from being sick of listening to him. I go in the bathroom to put up my hair, get my clip, turn around and crash right into the door. Need I say more?

The New Van

Well, we have decided to trade in one vehicle for another. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will be driving a mini-van for the next 10 years, so I figured that I might as well buy one that I love. I am so excited to go and pick it up today.

I started looking last week. I decided I wanted a Toyota Sienna after my mother visited a friend in Cali who drove one. She said, "Sis, this is your next car." I found a couple that I liked, and on Saturday we all went as a family to test drive a few.

We told Zachary that we were getting a new car, and when we left the first dealership in the same car that we came in, he was disappointed to say the least. He was none too happy about saddling up the yellow tracker - the chick car, as Tim calls it - again, and heading out without a new car.

We have a 2003 Chevy Tracker that I was guilted into buying in the Spring of '08. I shouldn't have felt pressured the buy it, but I did. We never have LOVED it, but it was good enough to get us through last winter since it had 4-wheel drive. The problem is that although it sits higher off the ground than a car, it's smaller inside. It was great when it was just Zachary and I buzzing around doing errands, but after Elaina came into the picture, we knew we needed something bigger. That is when I bought my mom's van, and stuck Tim in the chick-mobile. He was less than pleased.

We are now in the process of car-shuffling. We are trading in the Tracker for a new van, and selling the other van to buy Tim a truck. That was my main selling point in talking Tim into buying another car. Everyone wins!

I should receive my vehicle buyers check today, and I will be off to sign the final paperwork for our 2008 Toyota Sienna. Pictures to come!

The Technique

Yes, that is right, today was the day of the one hour timeout. I was strong. I almost caved, but then realized that if I had, it would have been time, crying, and emotion wasted. I decided to try out the Super Nanny technique of timeout. Give a warning, then to timeout, tell them why they are in timeout and how long they will be there. "Two minutes for not listening," which is a regular thing for us recently. After that, when they get up, you say nothing and put them back on the naughty spot. I am so tired of him pretending as if he doesn't hear me. Even when I say, "did you hear me? Did you hear me? Hello? McFLY?! Stop, stop that right now, quit it, stop it, one more time and you go to timeout," and then never following completely through. Yes, I put him in timeout, but he eventually inches his way out and I give in. Well, NOT THIS TIME. It's one strike and your out, baby.

His newest thing is also telling us "No." I have had enough of this. This was NEVER allowed in my parents house, and it shouldn't be allowed in mine. With the emotional and physical stress of the new baby and our lack of sleep, we have been letting our parenting slip. If we don't nip it in the bud now, we are going to be in big trouble later. This is one thing that is no longer getting a warning.

I put him in timeout and at first he thought it was a joke. Got up, of course, and came down the hall. I put him back. He gets up, I put him back. He whines, gets up, and I put him back. He screams and gets up. I put him back. This is when the uncontrollable 'I want my way' crying starts. This went on for about a half an hour (about ever 15 seconds or so, with the getting up) before he took to trying to negotiate. He would sit on the other side of the hallway for timeout, but not on his spot. I think not. I would put him back on the naughty spot. This continued for another 15 minutes until he was so tired from crying he was begging for a nap and his milk. After an hour of trying to get his own way, many a tear and lots of screaming - a battle of the wills - I broke him. He sat on the two minute timeout.

I prevailed. I am Mommy, hear me roar.

The New Room

Well, I am back by popular demand. Actually, I am back because my computer is now out of rehab thanks to a friend. So much has happened and I have been unable to share due to my computers drug usage, or what appeared to be. The screen was on some whacked-out-crack and was so blurry that I couldn't even read the words I was typing. It was to the point that when I needed to go to my banking site I would have to copy and paste the balances into word pad and change them to a size 72. This is no joke, folks. At any rate, it is fixed now and I can see just fine..thank goodness, because if I didn't get a Bejeweled Blitz fix soon, I may not have made it. More on this later.

We have been enjoying the end of our Summer...oh wait, Summer? Was there one? We have been enjoying the end of Spring and are now ready for Fall. I always know it's here when football starts. And then I pray for a soon coming end. To the football, that is. Only because it takes up about 90% of my husbands free time of which he has little.

On the kid front, both are well. Elaina is getting a little personality and has taken to screaming as though she is hurt when she sees Zachary coming. I can't say I blame her. I am sure the fear is real. I know that I would be scared if someone three times my size was running around my very fragile head, zooming airplanes left and right at full speed, and I could not be sure when next tractor attack would happen. It really takes it out of her.

Zachary got a big boy room the other day. We came to the conclusion that it would not be safe for them to share a room. With normal children, yes, but with Zachary, I think not. We knew that he would be climbing into the crib with her and trying to kick her out, and succeeding. That, or piling toys on top of her. It just seemed like a better idea to give him his own room than to spend $200.00 on a video monitor and have them both in a room the size of a dog house. Perfect for a nursery, not so perfect for the two of them.

He loves his room. He got to choose between an airplane room and a tractor room. He was torn, but ultimately chose the planes and "heli-doctors" as he calls them. It worked out well because Tim was able to find some old Air Force posters with sweet airplanes on them. We got Air Force fabric with airplanes on it as well, and I sewed him some curtains. He was excited. Especially about the fact that he now has a queen sized bed (because we used to use this room for a guest room). He told us "Big bed! It's a big one. Heavy one. I pick it up," and then he tried to lift it. Lucky for us, we caught it all on tape.

Well, he is currently helping Elaina get maximum height in the baby swing by laying under it and pushing as hard as he can, so I'd better go. More later! Sorry it's been so long.

The Lingo

Well, I thought I would make a post to let everyone know what some of the terms I use mean. Let's start with dirt-dog.

My mom had a little dog, otherwise known to some as Charlie/Chuck/Charles, and he was impossible to house train. He would leave little presents all over the house. It was like finding a prize every time you came home. When we would go to my mom's house, Zachary would point and say "dirt..." and my mom would say, "No, that is from the dog," and in turn he would say "dirt dog," and point to the poo. This lasted until my mom found a new home for Charles. The next time we visited, Zachary was looking and pointing everywhere, but could not seem to find a dirt dog. He kept asking us, "Dirt dog? Dirt dog?" and my mom would tell him that no, there will be no more dirt dogs because Charlie had found a new home. Everything he would find he would ask if it was a dirt dog. Leaves, pieces of actual dirt, marks on the carpet and other miscellaneous pieces of lint and such that collect on the floor. He even started calling his own poop dirt dogs and now we have to ask him, since we are potty training, "Do you need to do a dirt dog on the potty?"

Mimi and Papa - Mimi and papa are my mom and dad. This is what Zachary lovingly refers to them as. Mimi is something that is used more in the south as a term that means 'grandma' or 'nana'. They also use Meemaw and Peepaw, or PawPaw, but we stuck with Papa because that is what we called my dad's dad.

Beebit - Beebit is what Zachary used to call his blanket. So that is what we would call it, and although he can now say blanket, he still says beebit. He has one special beebit that Mimi made for him at Christmas, and he can't travel more than about two inches without it. Shall I mention this is not a blankie...this is a BLANKET, same size as a throw you would use for your couch, made of fleece - double thick. Not great for traveling, which we do a lot of.

The Naynster - This is what we call Elaina because Zachary coined the name "Nayna" because he can't say Elaina. We now even call her Nayna and I think it might stick.

Mow-mer-bite - Oh yes, this is the ever loved motor-bike or motorcycle as most of us know it as. He loves them, but we don't let him play with the matchbox ones because he promptly rips the wheels and the handlebars off, tells us it is "boke" and throws it away. If we try to pick them out of the trash, he gets very angry and informs us that it is boke, it is nu-night and to put it back immediately.

These are just some of his terms that I have used in previous blogs and I thought you may enjoy hearing the stories behind them. Two blogs in a row, you might say? Well, thanks to Kelly I actually got a breather today because he is over playing with Lacey.

Other than that, not much to report other than the fact that he thinks he needs to eat three yogurts for breakfast and two in the afternoons. More on this later.

The Maestro

I apologize that this is my first update for the week. I know you may find it hard to believe that I have been busy, right?

It has been a crazy house this week. Especially Tuesday. I normally take Zachary to day-care to get a 'day off' once a week. I have a lady who does it for $2/hour and doesn't make me reserve a spot. I started doing this when I first found out I was pregnant so that I could go to my appointments and catch up on my much needed sleep without a little person constantly tugging at my jeans and trying to be my boss. At this point, there is no catching up on sleep. I now use these days to get done what I can't with Zachary with me. i.e. grocery shopping.

Tuesday started out with me dropping Zachary off at 9:15 and then taking Elaina in for her two month appointment a la shots. However, we were having some insurance issues because my husband waited until the last possible second (literally) to enroll her. (I know this may come as a SHOCK - insert eye rolling here.) Either way, we got it figured out (or shall I say that I got it figured out) and she was able to go to her appointment. Not that I am bitter about this.

Afterward, we stopped at the mall so I could get some much needed new bras from Victoria's Secret. She was very good despite the fact that she had just had three shots. She slept the whole time. Then we went home where I fed her, put her down for a quickie nap and made my grocery list. Then we packed up the car and went to the store for our bi-weekly shopping excursion. I had gotten about five items when she decided to explode in her pants. It wouldn't have been such a big deal other than the fact that she got it all over the only blanket we had with us...and GOD FORBID one of my children be without a beebit (or blanket) at any given moment. She got to screaming so loudly that I actually had to go and open a blanket, give it to her and just pay for it when we checked out. The checker was none to pleased about this, but I am sure she was much more pleased than she would have been if she had listened to a screaming child for the past hour. Either way, we were off.

We came home, brought in the groceries, put them all away and sat down for 2.2 seconds to catch my breath. Then back into the car to pick up Zachary. When we got home he acted as though someone had given him three liters of mountain do and 14 candy bars. He was bouncing off the walls and thought he was very helpful and funny. With me wrestling Elaina who wasn't feeling well and food flying through the kitchen from me trying to get dinner ready since Zachary was SURE that he would starve to DEATH if he didn't eat RIGHT THIS MINUTE, Tim calls and tells me that he will be late.

AM I ON CANDID CAMERA?!

At this point I am thinking Zachary - you are getting no bath and going STRAIGHT to bed at 7pm, or I will surely kill one or the other of us. To which he replied, in so many ways, don't worry Mommy, just put me in my room and I will scream for you underneath my door for an hour or so SO loudly that Elaina can't relax and will respond by crying. Don't worry, Mommy, you will be the maestro and conduct the orchestra that the two of us are about to create JUST FOR YOU in honor of the fact that Daddy is coming home late! YES!

And yet I survived this day. Surprisingly enough, I am here to tell about it. Just barely, but I am.

The Independant One

Yours truly, Zachary. As if you couldn't have guessed. We've been battling with this recently, although I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing. One this is for sure - he will not let anyone walk all over him - and for that, I am thankful. However, it does often times end up in a tantrum. For instance, we have already battled it out this morning over eating the bologna (huge surprise there as I am sure you can see a trend), pouring the milk, stir-stirring the coffee (as he says) and flushing the potty.

It started with the fact that he was hungry and since Elaina was in a rage to get her bottle, I decided (stupidly) to feed her first thinking that he would just play with his toys. Not so. It's like they know that when you are busy, you are unable to act on your words. "Zachary, no bologna. Zachary, only one bologna. Zachary, this is the last bologna. No Zachary, you've already had three bolognas, no more! Put it back!" To which he replied "No, Mommy..." More on that later.

After three bolognas, a yogurt that he found God knows where since I thought he had eaten them all last week in his attempt to down three a day, and some milk that he barely let me help pour (or put the lid on, for that matter) he was settled. He must still be hungry though because he just brought me a huge package of sting cheese and told me "all those" and "Mommy help you with that cheese, Mommy help you with that cheese." He is still trying to figure out the you vs me situation.

The stirring the coffee is quite a to-do every morning. It's like that kid can hear a spoon in a coffee mug three miles away. It's such a scene each day that sometimes I try to do it quickly without him hearing but it never seems to work. "STIR, STIR! STIR, STIR!" he screams and stops what he is doing and runs to the kitchen. He wants to scoop the sugar, pour the cream (which we all know he is so good at) and then stir. If you even so much as put the spoon in the cup before letting him stir, there is a fit. If you have already put in the sugar, you know there is bound to be a screaming, kicking, throwing himself on the floor show right before your very eyes. My response? Walk away.

We are trying to use the flushing the potty against him to get him to poop. He does pretty well with the peeing as long as he is naked. If he has anything on, he will pee it, and he doesn't care. His poop he will just hold until we put a diaper on him for bed time. He loves to flush the potty, even if he goes in the potty chair, but I have been telling him he can only flush if he does a dirt-dog in the potty. More on the dirt dog in another blog. (It is otherwise known to the normal human as a turd.)

Well, two screaming kids - one who wants to sleep, and one who is screaming, "NEED THAT!" and pointing to the Aquaphor ointment sitting next to the computer in dire need of rubbing it on his legs like lotion - and it's time to go. I need to get ready anyway for my dentist appointment and the trip to Papa and Mimi's for a "big tractor ride." If he doesn't get to go soon he just might not make it...and neither will I.

The Coffee Creamer

Figuring out Motherhood. It's been a difficult one. Mostly I just fly by the seat of my pants and hope for the best. It seems to work surprisingly well with Zachary because he is so unpredictable. The coffee creamer for instance...

One morning while checking my e-mail I heard the refrigerator open. (Did I mention that I am looking for a fridge lock for a top and bottom fridge?) "Close it," I said. He did, and I figured all was well other than a possible stolen piece of bologna at 9am. Choose your battles, right? No more than a minute later, I turn around to find 32 ounces of French Vanilla coffee creamer poured into the carpet. Well, maybe only about 30 ounces since about two ounces was standing in the pig trough for the Little People barn. I guess he thought the animals were thirsty.

I clean up the mess the best that I can, soaking it up, then pouring hot water, soaking that up and repeating. I had good intentions to steam-clean the carpet myself by borrowing my mom's machine, but due to my love for procrastinating and the fact that my dad had gone on a lock-installing-rampage right before they left for England (thinking he was quite crafty) and had not given me a key to the house, it didn't happen.

I figured it would be fine. It only took about three days to really start stinking. We had no other choice but to have someone come in and do it. First I called Stanley Steemer and found out that they have an $89 minimum. Great. I decided to call some other people that Google had listed. The first one I called (which I will not name) told me they could do it for $39.95 and they could come out THAT DAY. Sign me UP! They said they would be here between 7:00 and 7:30 and sounded very legit.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I picture people coming to clean my carpet, I picture a couple guys pulling up in a big van with shirts on sporting the company name, pulling out their giant hoses, coming in and cleaning the carpet with an industrial machine. No. Not even close.

They finally arrive in a green CAR (yes - I said CAR) with duct tape holding up one of the windows, and out walk a woman and a teenage girl with floor length jean skirt on. Now, no offense to anyone, but they looked like they were about to give me some religious reading material other than the fact that they were carrying lots of mops and buckets and a bottle of cleaner. (Yes, you read that correctly...I did not write MACHINE.) I was scared, but luckily I had already enjoyed one glass of wine so I was going with the flow. I figured I would wait until after I saw the "procedure" to say "are you freaking kidding me?" Luckily, after evaluating my carpet, they said they would go and get their machine. Now how they fit that thing into the back of their car I will NEVER know, but they did, no less. They asked if they could use my water and I of course let them, they cleaned the carpet, and then asked if they could dump the grossness into my toilet...weird, right? I said yes, of course, but knew at this point that I was getting what I was paying for.

After we paid and they left, I waited a few hours and walked to where the spill was. The carpet still STUNK. I was livid for two reasons. First of all it was not a job well done, and secondly this meant that this woman was going to return to redo it (if I had anything to say about it). Luckily I called and she offered to come and make it right. I will say that it is much better after the second treatment. Lucky for us, we had friends here for their return and they were lucky enough to enjoy the ghetto carpet operation with us.

The Update

Wow! I've really dropped the ball on the whole "blogging thing." I feel that I can safely say that since I glanced at my last post and saw that the date read "2007." Let's get up to speed, shall we?

So much to talk about. At this point, we have Zachary who is now 2 1/2 and Elaina who was born on July 14th of this year (now 8 weeks). I can't believe we skipped so much on Zachary and my entire second pregnancy! With good reason, I suppose, since the last update on him continues to sum him up and we all know how much I love to be pregnant. If you don't recall the mess, see the blog labeled poop-fest. I had honestly forgotten about this incident until I re-read it just moments ago and enjoyed a good laugh myself, however, that is just dust in the wind at this point. There are much bigger fish to fry than a little ole poop smear on the carpet. Especially with two.

Having two children is more amazing than I ever imagined. And more work. I thought having one baby was so hard...? Ha. Haha. Hahaha. That is me laughing in my own face, in case you didn't catch that. I think two is probably our limit.

Although the days are rough some times...many a time....okay, who am I kidding? All the time...it is so worth it and I figured that you could enjoy the moments with me. Especially since we are so far from most of you. I don't want you to miss out on the poop-smearing, fruit snack loving, coffee creamer spilling, bologna eating, tractor riding, juice pouring, screaming at the top of his lungs while throwing a mowmer-bite (otherwise known as a motorbike) at the check-out lady, loving boy. And I know that you don't want to miss out either. It's only fair that you get a good laugh out of my - most of the time - misforture, since I usually do.

Tomorrow I shall update you on the coffee creamer spilling as we have had a scene over the past two days. I know that you are just waiting with bated breath to hear about the operation that I hired in for half the price of Stanley Steemer. It's one for the books. Until then, good night.