The Queen

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining and that makes me happy. Laundry and other preparations for a long weekend of painting are being made. Tomorrow is the art hop in Kalamazoo (which should not be missed by ANYONE) and I will be featuring superheroes. The theme is X-men, and thanks to one of my high-school teachers, I even have a little soap-opera saga to go along with the characters. It's going to be fantastic. Art hop is 5-9 for all those who aren't aware. Zach Sutton will also be featuring a series that he worked tirelessly on! Come and see us in the Park Trades Center at 326 W Kalamazoo Ave. Lots of great stuff, also including an exhibit from the wonderful and talented Thom Peters. The third floor will be hoppin'. No pun intended.

The kids are well. I thought I should throw that in there, since they are the real reason that you keep coming back to this blog. They are, in fact, the reason I write it, so it's only fair, I suppose. :)

We finally picked up our adopted kitty earlier this week. We named her Molly after a train. I know that may shock you. I like to call her Molly the Trolley because that is what Zachary calls Molly the train, but he quickly informed me that her name is not Molly the Trolley, that it is just regular Molly. So there you have it.

Elaina has taken a real liking to her blankie. Zachary used to call his blankie his "bee-bit" (written about in previous blogs) and now Elaina is very attached to hers as well. It started with her screaming when we would get her out of her crib. She would whine and point, and had to have her blanket. It's to the point now that she will wake up, hand over the blanket AND the pillow before she gets out of the crib. Then you must carry all three items to the big comfy chair in the living room. Set down the pillow, plop her in and wrap the blanket around her. Then you must deliver a glass of milk and her "ee-yal" (cereal) so that she can have 45 minutes of un-interrupted cartoons before the waking of the beast. I like to call her Queenie because she thinks she runs the joint. Well, let's face it, she pretty much does, at least for those 45 minutes.

We are on day two of a fresh load of fruit and yogurt in the house and the children have already consumed half a bag of apples, an entire bag of clementines, two pears and about 12 yogurts. Insanity.

The Sandwich

Zachary decided to skip lunch today, or so I thought. I offered him ravioli and he declined. Apparently he wasn't hungry after the three yogurts and four pounds of fruit he consumed for breakfast. I didn't really think twice about it. About an hour later I saw him walking around with a sandwich. I wasn't sure where it came from, but it looked less than appetizing.

Me: What are you eating?
Zachary: My sandwich.
Me: Where did you get it?
Zachary: I made it.

He had gotten out two pieces of bread and spread half of a container of yogurt between them. Bam! Sandwich. And he ate the entire thing! I couldn't believe it. He won't eat ravioli, peanut butter and jelly, or virtually anything else I make, but he'll wolf down a yogurt sandwich? Nice.

A little bit ago he went to the bathroom. After about ten minutes I hear...

Zachary: MOMMMY!! I'M READY FOR YOU TO WIIIIIIPE MY BUUUTTTTTTTTTTTT!

When I went in, I saw a gigantic turd.

Me: Oh my gosh, Zachary. That is a big poop!
Zachary: I know! Thanks!
Me: Flush the potty.
Zachary: Don't I get a sticker for that?

The Mouse

I've scarred my son for live in an effort to make him sleep in his own bed without taking food down with him. He's only three and has already created the smell and grotesqueness that is a boy's bedroom. He is constantly bringing crackers, fruit snacks and apples down there to nosh on while he is playing his game in the evenings. I keep telling him, "NO FOOD IN THE BEDROOM!". He keeps not listening. Shocking, yes, I know. I find these little morsels in the (what seems to be) weekly gutting of his room. Crumbs and spills, and even a half-eaten yogurt at times. I can't stop the boy, as hard as I try. I've looked for a fridge lock, but can't seem to find one. Apparently the general public looks down on withholding food from small children. Who would have thought?

At any rate, I told him that he can have his snacks, but they need to be eaten AT THE TABLE.

Zachary: Why?
Me: Because this is a mess!
Zachary: But why do I have to eat at the table?
Me: Because if you don't, a mouse will come into your room!
Zachary: I don't want that to happen!
Me: Then STOP brining food into your room or one will come in during the night and bite you! They will come to eat the crumbs!

Sometime in the next week he came up from his bed. He went to the pantry and grabbed a fruit snack. He quietly brought it to the dining room and sat on the floor. Tim comes in...

Tim: Zachary, what are you doing?
Zachary: I am eating my snack.
Tim: Why don't you take it downstairs with you?
Zachary: Because I don't want a mouse to bite me!

Tim was completely confused because he hadn't been informed about the conversation of said mouse. All he knew at this point was that Zachary was scared of bringing food in his room because of being bitten.

Zachary WILL NOT STAY IN BED. This has been an ongoing battle and we have yet to win. That same night, Zachary kept coming upstairs...repeatedly...and finally...

Tim: GET IN YOUR BED!
Zachary: But I don't want to!
Tim: If you don't get in your bed, I am going to bring food down there!

HA! I'm pretty sure that he'll forever have a fear of mice. In our defense, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.

The River-Dancer

Happy new year to you all! It's been a great one thus far. I am enjoying every aspect of my life.

The kids are great. Elaina is quickly coming into her own and learning new words on a daily basis. I am glad that "no" hasn't entered the vocabulary as of yet. Mostly everything is "yeah" which I can totally handle. Currently topping the charts, we have "stinky", "uh-oh", "up" and "right there". As for "Mommy" and "Daddy", she is apparently saving them for a later date. Ugh.

My very wise three-year-old asked me how babies get in bellies the other day. I told him that God puts them there, and luckily that answer was satisfactory.

I did have a funny personal story happen to me that I thought you all may enjoy. After a day of working, I met up with some friends for some dinner. I have recently been on a diet plan that is helping me to lose weight, and in turn, my pants are becoming rather large. I got up from the table and realized that I had forgotten to put my belt on, which resulted in me walking around in pants that could fit two of me. Before we could go any further, I demanded that we go to Meijer where I could pick up a belt. I went in, got my belt, and immediately put it on. Relief! I wouldn't be hiking up my drawers all night. I went back outside where two people from our party were waiting in the car. The car pulled up to the front, where I figured they would be picking us up. I was so excited about my new belt that I did a little jig in front of the car. Dancing, kicking, leaping and looking (I'm sure) absolutely fabulous, like a regular River-Dancer. It was just then that I realized that it was NOT, in fact, my ride. Either way, I think I put on a great show and certainly got a good laugh out of it; I'm sure they did too.

On another note, Zachary is loving school. He every much enjoys going and getting away from me for a few hours. It's really the best thing that has happened to our relationship. It's so nice when your kids are excited to see you when you pick them up. Elaina is enjoying having some peaceful nap time while he is gone as well. It allows me to get some work done and for her to have silence. Whoever said silence is golden was an absolute genius.

Well, that's all for today. I know there was a funny Zachary story to be told, and unfortunately I can't think of it. When it comes to me, I will certainly make sure to share. Love to all. :)

The Reindeer

Oh, Christmas is almost here. I can't deny the fact that I love this time of year; I just wish that the snow would be gone the day after. Well, maybe until the first of the year, but that is pushing it.

I am really looking forward to seeing the faces of my children on Christmas morning. Zachary has been being particularly helpful in hopes that Santa will bring him some goodies. Tim threatens to call Santa, but I'm like...psh...yeah, right. You don't have Santa's number. I'm not saying that he doesn't have a phone, I'm just sayin' that he certainly wouldn't be giving out his number to the general public. The damn thing would be ringing off the hook and he'd never get anything done. DUH.

Now, I know that in a previous blog I told you about my mother hitting a deer with her car. Zachary hasn't mentioned anything about it for a while now, but he certainly has a mind like a steel trap.

Last night...

Me: (singing) Grandma got run over by a reindeer...
Zachary: (looks at me)
Me: Did Grandma get run over by a reindeer?
Zachary: No, but Mimi's car did.

I burst out laughing when he said this. I can't believe he remembers that! It was weeks ago at this point! This just goes to show you, be careful what you say in front of your three-year-old.

The Program

Life is changing all around us. Christmas is here, and the kids are now adjusting me working again. Finding a balance between cooking, cleaning, picking up and dropping off, working, being a wife and a successful business owner is proving to be harder than expected. Although so may call me a Jack-of-all-trades, it comes with it's costs.

I am exhausted and Elaina is having separation anxiety as of late. This falls somewhere between being one and having mommy back at work. Zachary is doing really well in school despite the fact that he is the youngest in his class. He did have quite a showing during his performance the other day.

It was the preschool Christmas program and the kids had learned a number of songs to share with all of the families. We all waited patiently for the kids to come into the room. They were all in a single-file line...until Zachary saw me. "MOMMY!!" And he came running full-force, plowed over sister and wrapped his arms around me. Now, I'm not saying I don't enjoy a great hug, but I was completely embarrassed by the fact that mine was the only child being unruly. I came to later realize that none of the parents were paying any attention, as they were all too enthralled in the likes of their own children, however, I remained red-cheeked.

Earlier in the day I had been changing Elaina's diaper when Zachary came over to check out the scene. He grabbed a wipe out of the dispenser and shoved it into his pocket.

Me: What are you doing?
Zachary: Saving this for later.
Me: Why?
Zachary: In case I need to wipe my nose.

After that, I had forgotten about the baby-wipe...until it made it's appearance. All of the preschoolers were lined up on the risers when the first song started. They all did the motions to the song, and sang. All but Zachary. Not a word. Not a peep, not a single sounds left his mouth. About a quarter of the way into the song he brought out the wipe. He started waving it around as though it was a flag. When it would get wrinkled up, he would put it down, and flatten it out for optimum flying potential. He continued to wave it around, high over his head for the duration of the program.

When all was said and done, I asked him...

Me: Why didn't you sing the songs?
Zachary: Because I was trying to listen to them.

And there you have it.

Later that day he decided to make a mess out of the cat food. Zachary love his cat. He loves that damn cat more than anything. The cat does not share the same appreciation for the boy, mostly because he is old, and Zachary squeezes him within an inch of his life so as not to let him "escape". The cat food was all over the floor when I said to him...

Me: Zachary, please clean up the cat food.
Zachary: Why?
Me: Because I don't want sister to eat it.
Zachary: Why?
Me: Because she isn't a cat.
Zachary: Oh yes, that is right. We are not cats, we are humans.

Later in the evening, Tim called. Unfortunately he had missed all of this excitement that I have been telling you about.

Tim: Hi, Zachary, what are you doing?
Zachary: Oh nothing. Just hanging out.

So I leave you with the age old question, where do they learn all of this?

The Tiger

All is well at the homestead. All except the fact that Zachary has recently decided that he is the boss.

Zachary: No!
Me: You are NOT the boss. Who is the boss?
Zachary: We all can be the boss.
Me: No sir, you may not be the boss.
Zachary: But I like to be the boss.
Me: Then you will like to sit in timeout.
Zachary: But I don't like to be the boss.

This is pretty much daily. I am glad, however, that he is actually glad to see me after school at this point. His combination of mania and crankiness has subsided. I think his sister is relieved as well, mostly because she doesn't have to dodge any flying backpacks or leftover snacks upon his arrival.

Business is good. I am thoroughly enjoying my new job, and Zachary is thoroughly enjoying getting temporary tattoos. He thinks he is very fancy. He does not enjoy getting his face painted, mostly because he has to hold still for that. We tried to paint him as a tiger when I first started, but it quickly went awry with his talking, laughing and moving. I had to make so many "fixes" on his face that he ended up looking like he had two black eyes.

Elaina is doing really well. We took her in for her 15 month appointment yesterday. She always does really well with her shots. What can I say? Girls are tougher than boys. She gets her shot and only screams for a second; the minute she sees her sucker she's silent. It's a beautiful thing.

I am really enjoying this early Spring that we are experiencing. I am hoping that God forgot about Winter altogether...I am sure there is no such luck.

Love!

The Deer

For me it's hit and miss in the blogging world. I'll be very on top of it for roughly a week, and then BOOM! Nothing. By this time, Mr. Bear has already had another "hot date" and my fingers didn't even have time to tell you about it. This time, he actually told the class "I took him on a hot date," to which the teacher replied, "It was very hot?" Upon reading that we had a bonfire, she concluded that it must have been what he was referring to, when in fact, it wasn't. He was sure that a "hot date" is what it meant when you take someone somewhere for fun.

Either way...I'm sorry it's been so long! I am, however, grateful that I get such positive feedback from this blog! It makes it totally worth writing, and so I thank all of you for that.

Next on the agenda is that I have started a new business. Shocking, I know, that I would start something new. Most of you are probably thinking that this will turn out to be another one of my "flings", but only time can tell. Maybe it will! Hopefully it won't. It's going well so far. It enjoy it very much and love what I am doing. It's stressful, but more of a good stress than bad. I go to work my first actual event last night and was rather successful. I am looking forward to the next.

I know that the Zachary stories are always everyone's favorite, so I have yet another that some of you may have not heard.

We stayed at my mom's house on Wednesday because I needed to work in Kalamazoo on Thursday morning. This was the conversation that took place on Thursday before leaving:

Zachary: Can I ride in your car?
Mimi: No, I need to go to work and my car is in the shop because it was hit by a deer.
Zachary: Was it one of Santa's deer?
Mimi: No, it was just a regular deer.
Zachary: What kind was it?
Mimi: It was just a girl deer.
Zachary: Was it the kind that like to get hit by cars?
Mimi: Yes, I suppose it was.

Where does he get this?! LOL I actually heard this entire conversation and couldn't help but laugh. Especially because at this point he is sure one of Santa's deer has been injured or killed on top of the fact that he knows if he doesn't be "good" that Santa won't come! I think he's pretty sure Christmas could be good or bad this year. He'd better shape up if he's planning on getting any presents. Santa and I go WAY back!

The Bear

What a day. Preschool? Check. Headache? Check. At least Zachary isn't quite as grumpy today because he got to bring Mr. Bear home. Mr. Bear is the class "pet" that each child gets to bring home the night before their "special helper day". They are supposed to take him on an adventure of sorts, write about it in the Mr. Bear book and bring him back to school the next day.

Me: Zachary, are you excited that Mr. Bear is coming home with us?
Zachary: Yes!
Me: What are we going to do with him?
Zachary: I think...how 'bout...take him on a hot date.

Instead, we took him to the park. We didn't want to take him anywhere too fancy for our first meeting. We don't want him to think it's serious.

Since I picked up the boy, the bear has not left his side. He even played football with Tim and Zachary in the back yard. He needs some practice on his catching, however.

Unfortunately, we had another incident with Zachary yesterday. Another week of preschool, another injury. I have been repeatedly telling him that he MUST wear shoes outside and he repeatedly fails to listen. I think he finally figured out that mom's know everything yesterday when he stepped on a rock and I found him standing in a pool of his own blood, screaming. Luckily he didn't need stitches. I was thinking that if I took him back to urgent care they were going to think that we don't actually have a family doctor. We are regulars over there, but my children only like to get injured after hours.

Off to make dinner.

The First Week of School

It has been a mad house over here! Elaina is teething and trying to give up her naps and Zachary has been going to school this week. It's like we are constantly on the move, and I can't say that I hate it.

We thought that Zachary had broken his finger on Tuesday night. He was out playing with his trains in the dirt when I heard him scream. He had tried to pick up a piece of flagstone that we have as ornamental stairs going down to the back yard and accidentally dropped it on his finger. It swelled up and turned purple, so off to urgent care we went. Luckily it wasn't broken and they sent us home. While we were there the nurse gave him a coloring book that had pictures of food it in. By this time he was feeling much better and told me, "Look, Mommy! Look at this picture of scrumptious lunch!" Scrumptious? Where does he hear these things?

He has really been enjoying going to school, but when I pick him up he is an absolute monster. Everyone keeps telling me it only gets worse. I guess when you have to be on your best behavior for three hours, it's time to let loose on your mom when you get home. It's hard to get any information out of him about school. He did tell us that the boy in the green shirt is very naughty because he turned on the phone, and that the boy in the bug shirt wouldn't share. It's been two days of school and that's all we know.

Yesterday I did my shopping while Elaina was at daycare and Zachary was in class. I did my normal ritual, starting at Aldi and then going to Meijer. (Mums are only 2.99 at Aldi right now!) I love going to Aldi because their checkers move at warp speed. Even if there are 10 people in line it doesn't take me more than a few minutes to finish with my order. Meijer was a different story. I swear, this woman was moving at the speed of nail growth. I have never been in a checkout line for 45 minutes until yesterday. This resulted in me being five minutes late to pick up Zachary and I was none too happy about that.

Last night my mom was here because she is working in Grand Rapids. After dinner she had her first encounter with the Backyardigans. Lucky her. It was the one where they are pretending to be vikings, but Zachary informed her that she could not be a viking because "Mimi, you do not have a biking hat." (Or a viking hat, for that matter.)

Well, that's all for today. Yay for the end of the week. Love to all.

The Band-Aid

Yesterday was relatively good. The sun was shining and the weather was really enjoyable. The kids were pretty good other than the occasional spitting contest and throwing tiny rainbow-colored animals at each other, so I can't really complain. As earlier stated, it could always be worse.

We sat down and made our family rule list. Zachary is doing very well with it, mostly because he doesn't care much for sitting in timeout. We have tried spanking and it just doesn't work as well as sitting him in the naughty spot and not letting him be in control. He like to be in control...must have gotten it from his father.

Zachary and I have been having the battle of the band-aids. I bought two boxes a few weeks ago (the fabric kind) and he seems to think that he needs one on every appendage. Every time I walk into the bathroom it's like a band-aid grenade has gone off. How do they get all over everything? It's like he was running around and around and couldn't catch himself to stick them on. Instead he catches all of the inanimate objects in the bathroom and covers up their imaginary boo-boos.

It was around 8:00 last night when Tim went to put the dirt mongrel in the bath. I was cleaning up the kitchen when I heard...

Tim: Liz! Get in here now and look at this!
Me: What?
Tim: Look at your son. Do you notice anything out of the ordinary?

There stood Zachary, buck naked with - you guessed it - his penis wrapped up in a band-aid. Here is the best part. You know how when you wrap up your finger in a band-aid it doesn't quite fit so it makes a little point on the end? Well, Mr. Pointy Penis he was. It was quite a sight. I laughed and laughed and immediately tried to think of people I could call and share the humor with.

Me: Zachary, you need to take that off.
Zachary: I don't want to take it off
Me: Well, you need to.
Zachary: Okay! (goes to rip it off) OW!
Me: Okay, we need to get it off there.
Zachary: Okay, Mommy. I will do it because I need to do it very gently.

Moral of the story - never wrap your penis up tightly in a band-aid.

The Fruity Pebbles

It's been an exciting ride lately, and by exciting I actually mean exhausting. I was seriously considering selling my son on E-bay last Friday. Well, I don't know if I can actually call it selling since I was going to pay someone to take him. I was one "why?" away from insanity. I continue to reassure myself that "things could be worse!"

As usual, Tim is still finding ways to wrench my nerves. Much to his dismay, I have to share this in hopes that it will make him refrain from doing it. Let me start by saying that we have one bathroom. One, and only one, and it is one thing on a long list of many that I don't love about this house. It is rather smallish and the toilet sits relatively close to the tub. Now, in the evening I love nothing more than soaking in a hot bath, but for some reason Timothy's bowels think that my bathing is the perfect time to let loose. Actually, it doesn't matter what time of day it is. Morning, noon, or nighty-night, his bowels always respond accordingly to me in the bath. The MINUTE I get into the tub, it's time. "Seriously? You didn't know that you had to go two minutes ago before I got into the tub?" Have I mentioned I am raising three kids?

On another note, I felt my true age the other day. For some reason we were talking about the Flintstones when my Uncle Joe said, "You know, I bed my kids don't even know who the Flintstones are." I couldn't believe that it could be true, so I turned to my 10 year old cousin, Kyla.

Me: Do you know who the Flintstones are?
Kyla: Yeah! I know who they are.
Her Mom: Like Pebbles and Bam-Bam? You know them?
Kyla: Duh, yeah, I know them.
Me: So you can sing the song?
Kyla: No. I eat their cereal.

The fact that this child thinks that the Flintstones came about just to pose on a box of Fruity Pebbles makes me feel less than young.

I am so glad that the Fall weather has finally rolled around. I am enjoying it very much and so are my kids. Of course, we all know that Zachary would live outside if I would allow it, but Elaina cannot stand the heat. She is very happy that she can get outside now to enjoy her daily intake of wood chips.

Zachary just found the band-aids so I must go and de-mummify him. Here's to a happy Monday. Cheers!

The Boss

We recently started with the, "I don't wike her wookin' at me," and "I don't wike her waughing and me." Ugh. The drama. He is definitely getting quite the attitude which is resulting in many a timeout.

He likes to think that he is in charge. The other day at dinner, Elaina was throwing her food (as usual).

Me: Zachary, you need to eat your bread.
Zachary: Laina is throwing her food.
Me: How about I'll be in charge of Laina, and you be in charge of eating your bread.
Zachary: How about I'll be in charge of Laina, and you be in charge of eating my bread.

They normally get along pretty well, but I think that is because she pretty much does what he tells her. It's when she doesn't listen that things to awry.

The Red Light

We have been learning about "stop" and "go" lately. It started when Zachary was asking why we were stopping in the car. We explained that you stop on red and go on green. The other day we were on our way down to my Mom's and were coming off of 131 in Schoolcraft. The light turned yellow and I went through.

Zachary: Um, that was red.
Me: No, it was yellow and I didn't think I could stop safely, so I kept going.
Zachary: Well, next time you need to be careful.

Shortly after that we were headed through Vicksburg when we passed the cemetery.

Zachary: That is a LOT of bricks.

Where does he come up with this stuff? Although I guess it really is a lot of bricks.

He has been arguing with Elaina recently. By arguing, I mean she grabs the remote and turns off his show and he screams at her. This makes her cry, and he knows that the crying will be shortly followed by scolding. To try and calm her down he tells her, "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....twinkle, twinkle, little star..." and proceeds to sing while trying to get her to stop having her fit.

Yesterday while they were playing toys she took something from him and he got very frustrated. He looked at her and she started babbling saying "da, da, da, da" to which he replied, "Laina! I am NOT your DADDY!"

Tim and I cracked up.

The Coloring Contest

I figured that I would sit down and do something productive at nap time today rather than just rotting my brain playing facebook games. Lucky for you, the desire for accomplishment resulted in a blog.

Not much has happened today. I cleaned up the dining room and scrubbed a few stains out of the carpeting and did the dishes. It wasn't exactly our smartest move to carpet the (what is now) dining room, but at the time we made the decision it was still a den. Hind sight is 20/20 I guess.

It's a beautiful day with no humidity and yet I can't find the motivation to go outside. I'd rather just be relaxing and cleaning my house. It seems worth it to me since having a clean house feels as good as winning the lottery. Well, a scratch-off anyways. Better than a one dollar scratcher, though. Maybe more like winning $20 on a scratcher.

I blew up some pictures of my kids. Not like with a bomb, but like I sent them to Cost-co and had 16x20's printed. I have one of each of them hanging over the back of my couch and I love it. It's wonderful to see their faces so life-sized and...quiet. It's amazing.

I forgot to mention that a few weeks ago Zachary won a major award. During the balloon festival (in Battle Creek) we went to Arlene's Truck Stop for breakfast with my grandparents. They are regulars and we like to tag along when we are in town. They were having a coloring contest and I asked if I could participate. They told me I could help my son. (Any of you who know me know that I am always in for a good competition.) Come to find out, Zachary is EXCELLENT at drawing and coloring and actually WON the contest! He gets a free ice cream the next time he goes in. I am so proud. :)

The Day Off

It's amazing how much a "day off" from children will rejuvenate me. This morning I am feeling full of energy. Beautiful day, great to be alive.

I made a trade with my dear friend Debbie. Babysitting for house cleaning. She even kept them over night! It was fabulous to have a date with my husband, even though I ended up losing some points on my diet for drinking margaritas. Every point was worth it. Now, this morning, I am relaxing, I am not cleaning the house, and I am not doing laundry. I am enjoying the peace and quiet. The mess will still be there tomorrow, and a moment of sanity is a rare and precious jewel.

On the way down yesterday Zachary had a peach for breakfast. I offered to cut it up for him and take the pit out, but he resisted. I wanted it "big". We got into the car and he took two bites and told me he was done. I asked why he didn't eat it. He told me it was because there was poop in it. I assured him that there was no poop and that it was just a pit, but he insisted that there was poop inside and he needed to throw it out the window. I don't know if it was the poop or the excitement of throwing something out the window, but sometimes you have to choose your battles. I rolled down the window, turned up the radio and counted down the seconds to my freedom. Life is good.

The Stickers

When you have a son like Zachary, there is always more to tell. Without further ado…I present more escapades in the life and times of the McClelland children.
The other day Timothy, Elaina and I were sitting in the living room while Zachary was playing with his stickers in the dining room. He collected three of his favorites and brought them in to us.

Zachary: Here’s one for you, Mommy.
Me: Thank you, Zachary.
Zachary: Here’s one for you, Daddy.
Daddy: Thank you, Zachary.
Zachary: And one for me.
Me: Um, aren’t you forgetting someone?
Zachary: :::looks around::: Who? My cat?
Me: No…
Zachary: Oh, you mean ‘Laina? She eats stickers.

It made me feel slightly better that it wasn’t that he had forgotten her but that he had a logical reason to not include her.

He ratted out his grandpa a few weeks ago. I swear that he doesn’t forget anything. Unfortunately for Papa Mark, times have changed since Tim and his brothers were kids and the little people are not allowed to ride in the front anymore. In all fairness, he didn't know, but we still thought it was funny the way Zachary brought it up.

Zachary: I rode in the front.
Me: When?
Zachary: With Papa Mark.
Me: When?
Zachary: On the way to the party.
Me: No, you didn't. You sit in the back seat only.
Zachary: No, I rode in the front and it wasn't even dangerous.
Me: Then where did Grandma ride?
Zachary: In the back with my sister.
Me: Tell me the truth.
Zachary: I am telling the truth. I rode in the front. It wasn't dangerous, Mommy.

I am so glad he could reassure me...

The Spaghetti-O's

It's only 12:51 and I am already starting a countdown to 5 o'clock somewhere. I did recently list my son for sale on Facebook. If you are interested, please visit my profile. I am exhausted which is partially my own fault because I am addicted to Pawn Stars on the History Channel. What can I say? I love old stuff.

Zachary told me he wanted Spaghetti-O's for lunch. I got out a can. "No, I want cereal." "You already said Spaghetti-O's." Tantrum. I made the Spaghetti-O's. I bring them to the table and he takes them into the living room while I am outside trying to sell a stroller to a girl. I come in. "Mommy, I spilled them on the carpet." The white carpet. "This is why we don't eat in the living room, take it to the table NOW." He picks up the bowl and what is left (about half a can of Spaghetti-O's) and starts to walk to the dining room, slips, falls, O's are everywhere. All over the floors, on the walls, covering the refrigerator and all over his feet. He stands up, having a tantrum, and slips in them and is now covered in sauce. Meanwhile, wakes up the baby who had JUST fallen asleep and he continues to scream. It was like conducting an orchestra. I don't know who writes this music, but I could use something a little more low-key.

One of those days.

The Barking

Everything is going fairly well over here in the McClelland home. There are good days and bad, but you will have that when you combine a hormonal woman, a little boy who barks a lot, a one year old and a Daddy that works too much.

I will tell you one thing; two ain't got nothin' on three. If I survive this year of Zachary's life it will be a miracle. The attitude is making a serious appearance and resulting in many a timeout. The barking. O-M-G. If he barks again I think I may reach down his throat and rip out his voice box. "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFF!" This is his way of saying, "I don't like that you are telling me what to do," or, "Elaina, get off my toys." He mostly barks at his sister because it scares her, and she backs off from whatever they are playing with so she can cry.

Zachary: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUF!
Me: Enough barking, NOW.
Zachary: I want to bark.
Me: Then do it quietly.
Zachary: No, I want to do it loudly.
Me: Then you can have a face smack.
Zachary: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUF!

Attitude at its finest. Don't get me wrong, he is a very good boy, he just loves to push my buttons.

I realized this morning that I have created a sort of monster. We were playing Memory Match and I was getting rather frustrated with him because he didn't want to pay attention and continued to choose the same two cards EVERY turn, but then would get angry if I would get a match. When we finished, this is how it went:

Zachary: Now we can play another game!
Me: No, Mommy is frustrated. We will play another game later.
Zachary: I want to play another game now.
Me: Not right now, I am frustrated because you can't pay attention.
Zachary: (and I quote) Well, that is a shock.

The Beginning of Summer

I thought terrible two's were bad, but two ain't got nothin' on three. Between the attitude, selective listening and tantrums, it's proving to be quite a ride.

It hasn't been long since my last blog and still I come bearing stories aplenty. There is never a dull moment around here.

The other day I took the kids to the pool. It was a great day and the kids were exhausted by the end of it. When it came time to pick up the toys, Zachary wouldn't participate which scored him a timeout.

Me: You are in timeout for not helping pick up toys. Three minutes.
Zachary: I need to go potty.
Me: Then you can wait until you finish your timeout. If you pee your pants, I'll spank your butt.
Zachary: :::whips out penis while in timeout and pees onto the sidewalk while sitting there:::
My grandma: Well, at least he listened. You said don't pee your pants.

Another good one happened on Sunday at the pool. My cousin Ethan started sneezing and my mom said, "Bless you!" Right after that Zachary started saying, "A-shoo! A-shoo! A-shoo!" My mom said, "Bless you, Zachary!" Zachary said, "Now you say, A-sock!" I wasn't present for this one, but I came out to Aunt Colleen rolling on the sidewalk laughing.

Just this morning he decided to try my patience. He ate his yogurt while sitting on the couch and left it sitting on the arm.

Me: Zachary, please take care of your yogurt.
Zachary: ::walks over, moves yogurt, comes back::
Me: Where did your yogurt go? Did you throw it away?
Zachary: No, I put it behind the cushion so you wouldn't see it.

It's going to be a long summer.